Disappointed

Seriously i'm getting dont know how to communicate with my mom already.

Since that time she called my friend not to came and fetch me to friend's birthday party and let me stupid wait my friend, between me and her already have a wall.

Yes, since I was small she treat me special strict, she need me to learn everything cause i'm the eldest brother. She also very care about my studies. I still remember when primary school those project she also helped me so much. That's why everytime I also get full marks.

When small, I really very scare her beat me and scold me.

Now getting big, i'm getting ignore her. Many things I also dislike to share with her, everything just keep it.

Almost everyday I face phone more that facing him. This two years our relation really changed a lots.

I'm not so respect her anymore. Whenever she scold me, I will fight back.

Last year choose stream, I know she want me to study science but I choose art. Yea, I know I can study science subject, but I still prefer and choose art.

I can see that she very dislike but I still dont listen her.

I'm tired. Sometime I really do think myself and try to be good with her. But sometime I really cant endure.

She dont understand me. Few times after argue with her, I lock myself in room and cried, I blame myself why want to argue with my mom. I hate myself.

But I really cant endure. Just now she scold me why so like money and always simply spend money. I think why I so care about my money? I have a bank account that under with her name but I still make a individual account? Cause I hate the most is everytime I made her angry she will collect all my money. I dislike. When small, i'm quite well in saving but everytime whenever I made her angry she will confiscated all. Everytime need to hide here hide there. Damn.

I know once I said so, she will very sad. But she really dont understand me.

Yea, i'm in a quite satisfied family, what I want I also can get it. But what I really want is freedom.

I'm gonna 18, I already will think about future, I already know cannot simply spend money. I already know...

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